Chop a large onion. Chop up two cloves of garlic. Add to a big heated saucepan which has got some oil in it. Add some chopped mushrooms and a thickly sliced green pepper. Fry off for a bit, and add plenty of dried oregano and cayenne pepper, and throw in a can of kidney beans.

While this is cooking off, put around 120g of soya mince in a jug, and rehydrate with boiling water and a generous sprinkle of vegetable buillion powder. Lace with tabasco sauce and worcester sauce, stir and wait a bit until the mince has rehydrated before pouring into the pan. Add a can of chopped tomatoes, a handful of cherry tomatoes, and a couple of teaspoons of tomato paste.

Put a dollop of marmite in the bottom of the can the tomatoes came in, add about a teaspoon of buillion powder and fill with any remaining boiled water, stir and add the liquid to the pan. Add more cayenne pepper and/or chilli flakes to taste, and cook for around 15-20 minutes until the chili is more sauce than liquid.

For the rice, boil up 250g of American easy cook rice with a splash of oil. Half way through cooking, add a couple of generous handfuls of pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds.

This should make about six portions.